Don't Put Those Shoes Back On

They will eventually find its way to where they belong and I hope its not back on her feet.

A shoe less little one running around the house laughing at her own happiness.

To feel unconfined is a sense of freedom and a fresh of breath air.

To feel the cold earth on the soles of her feet is what she craves for.

I hope she doesnt put those shoes back on.

That she never feels that she has to be confined to our modern ways.

To be different is the hardest thing to do.  

Take your shoes off and run. Run fast and fast.

Don't look back. 

Be free and wild.

Wolves Book Club: The Lost Girls

I decided to start a book club on the blog and I'm really excited about it.  At the end of each month I will write a review and lists some questions so you can participate, if you like. Eventually my goal is to do some sort of google chat once a month but baby steps.

The first book will be The Lost Girls by Jennifer Baggett, Holly Corbett and Amanda Pressner.  Thought it was a good choice since the weather is cold and we are all stuck inside.  Reading about three young girls' travels around the world is a good escape from the hustle of the holiday season.

"Three friends, each on the brink of a quarter-life crisis, make a pact to quit their high pressure New York City media jobs and leave behind their friends, boyfriends, and everything familiar to embark on a year-long backpacking adventure around the world in The Lost Girls."

Would love to see you reading your book on instagram the rest of December and January! Use the hashtag #wolvesbookclub on there so I can get a chance to see.  I'll post your pictures on the blog!

Happy Reading!

Listening to: River sleeping on my lap:)

Wild

This book grabbed me by the shirt and dragged me into an adventure that I never want to forget.  I want to live it and hike the PCT, AT or any long hiking trail.  It’s been a couple of years since I read Wild by Cheryl Strayed and its a book that I have recommended to several people because its a must read. Male or female. Single or married.  Kids or no kids.  Nature lover or outdoors hater.  No matter what your status is, YOU. MUST. READ. IT.  

After you close the book, get in your car and go see the movie.  If you are feeling really inspired, walk to the nearest theater but don't get comfortable or take off your hiking boots because next you will want to get on the nearest trail and hike it.  

It's inspiring and I admire Cheryl for the ballsy adventure she took alone.  I had the pleasure of going to one of her book signing last year in Virginia and she is awesome. 

What we really got to me, after watching the movie last night, was that we all get to a pivotal point in our lives where we are broken into a million pieces and we need to do something drastic to rebuild ourselves.  That's exactly what she did.  Kudos to you Cheryl.  You're my hero!

Where I Write

Wolf River has really been a test of time management and dedication.  When I tell you I have waved the white flag,  its true.  I have waved it high and proud.  "This is it.  What was I thinking? Was I even thinking? Must email Rosemi!"  

Then I slow down my breathing, check my pulse, count to ten, put my feet up against the wall and bitch.  I sprint to my computer and write a whining email to my editor.

So I get out and go to my favorite place to write Wolf River.  The one place that inspires me. Where I'm surrounded by like minded people, people who have done it before me and who know what I am feeling. Where people come in and out with a book.  Where people are reading or searching for the perfect one to get lost in.  

I go to the library.  

(not the library by my beautiful shelf) 

It's the best place!  My dream, when all this is said and done,  is that I get to read my book at my local library.  The people who work there are so nice and I know them all.  They greet me with a warm smile and talk to me like a friend.

Support your local library and go spend some time there.  It will  motivate you to keep writing.

Listening to: Ain't Nobdoy's Problem by The Lumineers

Craving Vitamin D

What is it with the green lush forest that I crave? The pure scent of the wild.  The untouched part of the earth where no cars, no buildings and if we are lucky no pollution. I guess its the undiscovered that pulls me in.  The ability to go explore and not feel confined to my house or the hustle of the busy life we live by.

As a stay at home mom,  there are several times a week when the four walls I live in start caving in on me.  The gloomy days of winter get under my skin and make me crave vitamin D like I crave chocolate.

Dont get me wrong, I believe that winter is necessary for nature and for us.  A time to slow down and hibernate. To get that old crock pot going, start a fire and curl up on the couch and read a good book. But I can't tell you how much I miss seeing green and the smiling sun shining on me.  The walks to drop off the kids at school seem happier with less crying because they are cold and more time spent at the park playing before homework.   Right now, I'm writing a chapter in Wolf River that the setting is in the winter time with lots of snow and cold days.  So I shouldn't be complaining because right now those wolves  have it much harder than I do.

But the outdoors for me is my therapy, its my medication and my sanity.  All the doors and windows are open.  The sweet sound of the front screen door opening and closing brings me joy.  Not the monster heater that turns on, kills my plants and forces me to put extra socks on even when the thermostat reads 70.

I'm sending the above picture to my printer this week and having them print it at least 11 x 14.  It's going to be a reminder of the time soon to come.  But don't get all excited because you will laugh when I tell you that I'm putting it in my bathroom because its the only place in my house that doesnt have a window and I need a constant reminder of the outdoors.  A green bathroom yes!

I have a fun announcement next week, just need to work out the details, and I will post it here:) So be on the look out.

Listening to: Slow It Down by The Lumineers

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Photography & Plants

A lot of what I've been posting lately has been about my writing and about Wolf River but as much as I love writing my true passions are film photography, polaroid, healthy eating, simple living and plants. Yes, plants! I pin plants, think plants and shop plants.  I even have a crazy idea brewing in my head.

 But photography, oh it what makes my heart skip a beat.  I'm that lady who pulls out the camera at the most awkward moments. I've been shooting for years now and each year I learn something new, what I don't like to photograph and what I do.  When I first started shooting I thought for sure I wanted to be a portrait photographer but as years go by I've learned that I love to shoot lifestyle, still life, randomness that I love, my kids and plants.  I love seeing my work in print. It makes my heart full and puts a big smile on my face.  Don't even get me started on polaroid, it makes me weak in the knees.

I guess I felt the need to share this because I've put my work on the back burner. Why? I got discouraged and felt that I lost my spark.  I felt it even more recently and it broke my heart into a million pieces but I think thats what happens with every artist.  You have moments when you think you suck big time and you question why you even call yourself a photographer.  I had to take a step back and take a deep breath.  I realized that I need to shoot more than I do now and only shoot things I love.  Thats it.  Every thing else will fall into place.  Sometimes it's good to put your passions out into the universe and let it open doors.

Listening to: Sesame Street in the background :)

Change Is Inevitable

Everything changes. It's inevitable.

It's a natural process to change and evolve.  Embrace it for what it is.  It's scary and anything that takes us out of our comfort zone comes fear of the unknown.  Change is necessary for us to grow and learn.  Without it life would be at a standstill.  We would never learn from mistakes.

I sense a shift coming in my life. A time to change and grow.  To focus on myself and work from the inside out.  To only welcome the things I love and the people I love in my life.  To have positive energy around me.  

Welcome change with open arms and love.  Exhale the old and inhale the new.

Listening to: Breathe by Telepopmusik 

It Must Rain First

It's a dark day.

The clouds are covering that bright blue sky.

I close my eyes and hear the rain beat a subtle sound on my roof.

There is no one outside.

A warm cup of hot chocolate in my hands is calling my name.

I yearn to be under a soft blanket, staring out the window in silence but instead I hear sounds of little ones around the house.

Is this rain going to last all day? I wait and ponder this gloomy day.

An hour later, I'm ready for the rain to stop and I'm getting impatient.  Did the sun even rise today? The day lingers on.

We curl up in bed with no plans, no objectives, no to do list.  We just sit and chat about unicorns, pink nail polish, adventures to take and magical fairies named "Ralana."

Tomorrow the sun may poke its head out but we shall see.

It must rain first and clean the earth.  Feed the animals and water the fall plants.  We must see darkness before we see the light.  Learning to be patient is the greatest challenge for today.

Why Write A Book?

I ask myself the same question about a couple of times a day now. Why write a book? When self doubt comes creeping in and I question the purpose of it.  Will it change the world? Probably not. Will I become a NY Bestseller? Ummmm, I'm not that lucky.  Will I become rich? Absolutely not but a girl can dream.  

I'm not writing this book for fame or fortune.  I'm not writing this book to become a cool cat or gain 1k followers on my Instagram account.  I'm not writing this book to end world hunger though I wish I could.  I'm not writing this book because I'm an excellent writer because, I know for a fact, that I am still an amateur.

I'm writing this book because earlier this year I couldn't even pick up a pen.  My brain wanted to pick it up but it just couldn't.  I remember so clearly when I discovered I couldn't write.  "Leslie,  we need you to sign this document to give us permission to perform these tests."  I nodded my head afraid for anyone to listen to my gibberish and stutter.  I tried to raise my right arm but it was shaking uncontrollably.   The nurse noticed my frustration and immediately put the pen in my hand and laid it on the paper. I smiled at her.  "You're welcome." She replied to me.  But I couldn't get the pen to sign my name.  A tear rolled down my cheek.  The nurse was holding the paper down and trying not to stare at me.  I dropped the pen, I couldn't hold it anymore.  It felt like it weighed a thousand pounds.  More tears came pouring out.  I remember thinking 'I can't write. Oh my god. I can't write.  This can't be happening!'  "Just do your best Leslie.  We just need to get you in for this CT scan immediately." "Bbbbuuuutttt.  IIIIII cannnntttt." I replied to her and my eyes spoke a million words to her.  Agony, pain and sadness were written all over them.  She put the pen back in my hand and I just made the smallest mark on the paper.   

When the test was done.  They wheeled me back to my room where my husband was waiting for me.  I couldn't even look at him in the eye.  "What's wrong Les?"  I looked out at the window and told him "IIII cannnttt wwwwrrrrrriiiiitte." He didn't ask me how I found out or said the usual response during those days of ' don't worry everything will be fine.'  He just hugged me and let me cry for a very long time.  There were no words he could say that would make what I felt go away.  When I finally stopped crying, he handed me a piece of paper.  "Les, start with the basics.  Do your ABCs."  I looked at him like he had lost his mind but he was right and that's exactly what I did.  I told him that when I learn to write again, I was going to write a book. 

See, I experienced a temporary loss of something that is so basic to so many of us, the ability to write.  With determination and practice, I was able to write again.  My speech took a lot longer and that might be another post for another day.  So there you have it,  I'm writing this book because at one point I could barely move my right arm, because I said I was going to do it and I am. 

There will always be mountains in our lives. Obstacles too hard to overcome but with faith, determination and willpower, no mountain will ever be too high.  Not for me anyway.  I was born a fighter and I will die a fighter. 

Wolf River

Photo by: Cai Priestley Photography

"Life isn't just black and white or even gray for that matter.  You can paint your life whatever color you want.  The color you choose to tell your story is up to you." -  The Great Bodolf 

I am happy to announce that my book, Wolf River, is coming a long very nicely.  The above quote is a small excerpt from the book!!!!! And Bodolf is one of the characters and he is amazing. I'm excited for you guys to get to know him and his family!

For those who are curious,  the book is inspired my kids, whom I call the wolf pack.  And yes you got it, its about a pack of wolves and their adventure in the forest.  I'll go into a little more depth in future posts about what the book is about.

I can't even begin to describe how happy I am and nervous. But who wouldn't be?  I'm lucky that I have an amazing editor, Rosemi Mederos, who has been phenomenal to work with and who has been cheering me on the last couple of months.  

This is really a dream come true and I'm ready for the journey.

Bittersweet Goodbyes To Summer

 Life has moved forward in  higher speeds than I wanted it to.  This time of  year is when I realize that time truly does fly by.  I look back at summer and realize that its gone. Ciao! Adios! It's been awesome!

The long sleeve shirts and pants came down from the attic last week.  I bought mums for the front yard and the pumpkins from our garden were harvested and displayed.  Tomorrow fall will be here officially.

But, I say this every September, I'm ready for it and the crisp cool weather.  I'm looking forward to warming up my first apple cider, Halloween costume prepping and the crock-pot.  Oh yes, the crock-pot, it warms up my house and makes it smell like food all day. Yum! Oh fall, I'm ready for you with open arms and hot chocolate kisses.

I loved you summer, oh so much and you will truly be missed.  Thank you for teaching me valuable lessons and letting me spend another summer with my wolf pack.  It was the hardest season of my life but the most memorable one of them all.

September On The Creek

"What sets a canoeing expedition apart is that it purifies you more rapidly and inescapably than any other travel. Travel a thousand miles by train and you are a brute; pedal five hundred on a bicycle and you remain basically a bourgeois; paddle a hundred in a canoe and you are already a child of nature." -Pierre Elliott Trudeau

I've fallen in love with our canoe and its become a routine that I take her out on the weekends with some of my dearest friends.  It's been awesome and we've had memorable moments including flipping the canoe, losing my phone, and Kelly's keys. It was a moment I will never forget.

When we took her out last weekend the water was like glass and you could see the reflection of the sky when you looked down.  We made small talk at the beginning, we needed time to unwind from the madness of our lives and take in everything around us.  The air was crisp and we could feel the weather changing into fall.  We could smell fire burning from a distance and hear the subtle sounds of the creek.  It truly was magical.

We found our rhythm in our paddling and we became in sync.  Our arms and back were working muscles that have been dormant and only used to carry our little ones.  When we would start veering off the path we worked together to bring her back onto the right course.  It was team work.

Eventually we stopped in a nearby wooded area to chat and catch up on life, our dreams, plans for the future and of course the kids.  The sun started setting and reds, yellows, and oranges painted the sky.  It was a great way to reconnect, relax and be outside.  There will be a lot more canoeing in the near future

Inspired to canoe, here's what we have:

Canoe: Pelican 15.5
Life jackets: Speedo

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What The Heck Is Balance?

My to do list is never ending and I'm lucky if I get one item done these days.  I  laugh hysterically at the laundry monster who haunts and stares at me everyday.  "You shall never get me done. bwahahaha!" Yes laundry monster, you win everyday. Sigh.  With a new baby, writing my first book and juggling the everyday things, life has gotten a little crazy.

My days normally go like this. Please note that this is a short and sweet version of my day:

8:00 am - breakfast
   *in between five diaper changes, spilled milk, must get kids out of the house before I lose my mind, and screaming baby *

10:00 am- still trying to clean up from breakfast.  Got half the dishes in the dishwasher when I realize I haven't even unloaded the clean dishes. *slaps forehead*

11:00 am - kids start begging for a snack.  "But I just cleaned breakfast and you're hungry again!!"

12:00 pm -  I decide I need to feed these kids before their sugar level drops any further and the crying goes from a whine to a full blown temper tantrum which leads to throwing ourselves on the ground and biting.

 Side note - I envy all you parents whose kids still nap. No nappers here besides the baby, who bless his heart, tries to nap but normally gets a car on his stomach, a sloppy ketchup kiss or "let it go let it go" sung to him.

1:00 pm - I receive a text from husband "are you ok? kids ok? is the house ok?"  It's his way of asking me if I am still standing or am I waving a white flag.  Trust me there are days I want to text him "COME HOME NOW OR IM GETTING A ONE WAY TICKET TO SOMEWHERE WARM AND TROPICAL WITHOUT ANY OF YOU!"  yes those caps are intentional and I am screaming.

3:00 pm- I'm done. I have reached exhaustion and have not done anything on my to do list besides feed the kids and get them partially dressed.  At this point I have caved and I decide the best thing for all of us is to watch Netflix, Amazon Prime and/or Hulu Plus.  God bless internet service and streaming.

6:30 - husband walks in the door and I disappear

So the question I get asked frequently is "how do you balance everything?" The answer is I DONT! I try and I've read countless blog posts from establishing a routine to living a simpler life.  But in all honesty, right now I live moment by moment and I am very forgiving to myself and everything I said I was not going to do when I became a mom, I have now done.  If I take away all things "I have to get done" my days go smoother. I do what I can, write when I can and do laundry when I can.  Instead of focusing on what I didn't get done, I focus on what I have gotten done.  I gave my kids lots of love, I fed them, we eventually got outside and we are all still alive.  There is more positive in my day when I look at it from this perspective.

So if you ever come over and you step on a lego or there is no clean cups or a kid is running around naked, welcome to my happy home. This is how we are balancing life, for now.

Butterfly Wings

“Are they done yet?” asked Maria eager to see the final product.

“Almost done, Dear.  Just hold still,” said Ophelia pushing her eye glasses back up.  This will be her greatest piece.  There can be no mistakes.  Everyone will see them during the festival.  She would retire after this.  Her paint brushes and paint will all be put away.  Her bags were packed and she was ready to leave the others. It was time to see what else was out there.  Her plans were to fly further south to the edge of the Andean mountains.

Since her migration into Mexico, she hadn’t left Michoacán.  It had become her home the last couple of months.  She knew she had very little time left and with so few of them coming in every year, there was worry that their kind would soon vanish. This is something she could not bear to witness.

“Oh, I just can’t wait.  I’ve told the others about our idea to transform into another butterfly.  I just can't believe no one has thought about it before. I’m going to be beautiful!” Maria said unable to keep her antennas from fluttering.  

"You are beautiful but this is definitely going to turn everyone's head for sure," Ophelia said.

“Just a couple more touches and we should be all done,” she said.  She felt guilty that she hadn't told Maria about her plans to leave.  She was like a daughter to her.

She added a few more strokes of red to Maria's new wings and put her brush down.  She took a step back and admired her work.  The wings were finally done.  She had transformed Maria into a new butterfly.  She no longer looked like the rest of The Monarchs.  

"There, all done. Now take a look," Ophelia said.  She handed Maria a mirror.  

Maria took one look and gasped. "I can't believe it! They're beautiful." She flew in a circle admiring every detail of her new wings.  They were fire red with glitter.  No longer black and orange.  Maria would be the talk of the festival.  Stories would be told of her and passed on from migration to migration.

"I must hurry and catch up with the others.  The welcoming ceremony of the new butterflies will start soon," Maria said.  "I love you Ophelia,  thank you!" She bent her antenna down and gave Ophelia a butterfly kiss.

"It was an honor.  Now, off you go!" Ophelia said.

Maria hurried out and headed straight to the ceremony.  Ophelia quickly gathered her bags and said goodbye to her home.  

She had done the right thing and given Maria a gift she will never forget.  A new set of butterfly wings.

participating in the july prompts for write alm

These Days

This past week has been pretty busy.  Right now, I'm writing this post in my underwear and shirt because I've changed 100x. Why? My boobs won't stop leaking.  And if you follow me on twitter or instagram, you are well aware of my leaking boobs but look at that face, he is so worth it.

We also hit the road to the Eastern Shore and it was great.  It was nice to get away and out of the same routine.  More pictures of our road trip soon.

We celebrated Wolf Rayne's 3rd birthday this week and it was awesome.  All the kids were so excited and so were we.  We visited the zoo, had family over, and had a pinata.  Wolf was over the moon and her smile spoke a thousand words.

I've been editing a story that I started writing last fall.  It's still not finished but I needed to send it off to my mentor to help me figure out what to do next.  Its a deep story and I haven't decided if I should share it or not.  If it should be a short story or be written and filed in a folder labeled Personal.  Not sure yet.  But, its a story that has made me cry and touched my heart.  It feels good to start working on it again and eventually finish it.

Speaking of writing, I have an idea for my first book! I'm excited to start the process of it.  I have no expectations though, I just want to do it.   The research has begun for it and I give so much credit for all the authors out there.  The amount of research that goes into a book is crazy.   But, I'm excited to share this adventure with you guys.

Have a fabulous weekend!

On The Road

On the road this beautiful Saturday! 

Keep Moving Forward

Even in our darkest day there's light.  A speck.  A small hope.  But, its our choice whether we want to continue to fight the madness, the evil, the hardships, the unknown.  To follow the light takes faith, courage and strength.

There is no easy road to get where your heart desires.  To get to a better place you must have a soul of a warrior.  You  must get up when you have fallen.  When you come to a crossroad dont take the path that looks the easiest.  You know, the quick fix route.  The one that guarantees in thirty days you will get there with no bumps on the road.

No, don’t take that one.  Take the one that will make you sweat. The one that you have to hike 5 miles up a steep hill and you have to keep moving forward.  The one that gives you bumps and scrapes.  The one that leaves you with a scar that later on you will have something to show for.  

We’ve all been there.  At the bottom of the abyss.  The darkest and saddest place in our lives.  It’s a pivotal point.  It makes us cry and tears us up inside.  Its a battle that no one in the world knows your are fighting except you.   No, we won’t show those pictures on Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, or Twitter.  Those are pictures that are kept in a folder in our phones. Because those are real life.  

Where ever you are, whatever problem you have, what ever battle you are fighting, keep fighting. Put your combat outfit on and keep moving forward.  Because know, that I am fighting the same battle, one day at a time.  


participating in the July writing prompt from writealm.com

Hot Days & The AC

It's finally summer here in Maryland.  The winter was long and harsh.  The coldness of this past winter was like no other I have felt or that I remember.  The Polar Vortex lived up to it's name.  Many days spent inside staying warm and day dreaming of summer weather.

It took awhile for hot weather to come. But when it came, it was hot! Maryland is known for it's nasty humidity.  It's dreadful. And forget about having pretty hair during these months.  It's pointless.  All day I felt like I was living near the equator or I was in my own personal Bikram class. 105 degrees and dripping wet. Everyone was sleeping in their undies.  I put fans in every room and it still felt like a sauna.    But I wanted to stick to my rule. No AC until July. Call me crazy but I  love seeing my BGE bill under 100 bucks.  Its the penny pincher in me. More importantly, I love having the windows opened and the smell of summer in my house. I let out all the winter "ju-jus" out and let the positive energy flow through. I also hate telling my kids "don't leave the door open. The AC is on." Drives me nuts.

I like to give them the liberty of going in and out and enjoying the warm weather. Especially with a winter like we had.  I also believe that keeping the AC off helps that lady I'm in love with, Mother Earth.  Getting all hippie on you guys now but anything to help out.

This year, I broke that rule.  I turned it on in June because I couldn't take the heat.  I was sweating like there was no other. All. Day. Long.  Plus with these crazy postpartum hormones and sitting nursing all day, it was dreadful.  So it went on.  That day, my hubby walked in from work, and had the biggest smile on his face.  He twirled me around and we did a little happy AC dance.  Haha.

But whenever I see that we will be having a cool day,  off it goes and I smile :) So here's to hot days and the AC being on.

Wandering

The luscious green forest wraps her arms around us and welcomes us to her home. We wander down the dirt path with no destination in mind.  I extend my hands out so I can brush the plants with my fingers as I walk. Wanting to touch everything that she has.  

The smell of trees and the sight of small creatures let's us know that there is life in this magical place.   We are greeted by butterfly kisses and slimy worms.

I always remember to respect Mother Nature because, I've learned, she is almighty and powerful.  From her roaring rivers to her quiet forests.  And when I leave her home, I always thank her for letting us come wander.

Be free & wild

Sanctuary In My Own Backyard

Ok lets be honest, as much as I want to be out in the woods hiking, on a creek in a canoe or camping somewhere everyday, its just not possible .  Nope not at all. I have a small wolf pack and its hard to get everyone ready for such big adventures. It's a workout just to get everyone's shoes on and in the car! Can i get an amen from all the mother's out there? AMEN

The next best thing: My little sanctuary in my backyard.  It's nothing glamours by any means but my garden and "patio" bring me so much peace and tranquility.  And thanks to my dear friend and in-laws, who added the chairs, hammock, and a little character, to make it even better.  This place is where I go to escape, even when the kids are out there in the baby pool or running around fighting.  It's been a great place for me to recover and be inspired.  

Our dream is to eventually get a plot of land.  Where I can make an oasis in the mountains somewhere.  A plot big enough for my kids to run around. And close enough so I can a hear a river and go fishing with my husband.  

Until then, this is my little plot of paradise. Welcome!

participating in the July writing prompt from writealm.com